The Magic Pause: A Tip for Raising Independent Kids

You know that moment when you finally get to sit down for the first time in hours, and you hear: 

“Mom, I need help with this!”, being bellowed down the hallway from the other room?  (How do kids always seem to know the exact moment that you just sat down? Can they smell it?)  

Stop! Don’t jump right up to help. First, check out this tip that might change how respond.

The Magic Pause

“The Magic Pause” is one of the best-kept secrets when it comes to raising independent kids, but what is it?  

A magic pause is simply a way to give your child a moment to figure out how to do something on their own independently.

When your child yells to you for help, pause.  Count backward from ten in your head.  Hold that space for ten seconds and give your child the opportunity to figure it out. 

They may surprise you and respond with something like, “Never mind, I got it” before you even finish counting to 10. 

When they figure it out on their own, try saying something like this:

That was hard and you kept trying.  It worked!

You thought you needed help but you kept trying and figured it out!

What if the Magic Pause Doesn’t Work Every Time?

If pausing doesn’t work for your child, they likely need some time to grow into it.  Continue giving them the opportunity to problem-solve independently. Help them build frustration tolerance by not rushing in to rescue. After pausing, go to your child and say:

Show me what you’ve tried so far.

This kind of response reminds them that trying and failing is an important way to get to the solution.

If your child starts to have a hard time when you don’t come running the second they need something, stay steady with your 10-second pause, then try saying:

You wanted me to come right away and I didn’t.  I am here now. 

Or, It’s hard to wait!

If your child is prone to melting down, check out this blog for ways you can manage meltdowns before they even happen. 

How Does the Magic Pause Help Kids Build Independence Skills?

The Magic Pause is the space that both you and your child need in order to remember that your child is a capable human who is developing new skills and independence every day!

Remember that developing the habit of The Magic Pause will take time!  That is okay.  Keep practicing!

Do you want some more tips for raising independent kids?  This blog post has some great ones!

I hope you enjoyed this blog! If you want to keep up with more Workspace for Children content, follow along on Instagram by clicking HERE.

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