Parenting Self-Doubt: It's Normal, It's Okay, and Here's How to Navigate It
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We all doubt our parenting capabilities sometimes.
There will always be a sense of hesitation and a lack of certainty around parenting. There is not one parent out there who can say with one hundred percent certainty that they have not made any mistakes.
Parenting is hard. Night wakings and poopy diapers are intense. Not knowing whether to sleep-train or co-sleep, whether to feed with breast or bottle. IT’S. NEVER. ENDING.
I’ve been a mom for sixteen years. I have a Master’s Degree and lots of early childhood experience. I’m a mom to three children and an aunt to ten. I’m pretty good with kids and I know a lot about play and development. But, let me tell you…. IT IS STILL NEVER-ENDING. The overwhelming parenting decisions that we make every single day can feel insurmountable.
This is what I try to tell myself when I am experiencing the inevitable mountain of self-doubt:
I am a good and capable mom. I love my kids and I make the best choices I can with the information I have available to me.
It’s okay to make mistakes. I am teaching my children that perfection doesn’t exist.
I’m still learning about being a parent. I am still learning about my child. It would be impossible for me to always make the right choices.
Every child is different and every person’s experience as a parent is different, so no one can tell you exactly what to do for your unique child.
It’s okay to experience self-doubt.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s normal that you are tired and overwhelmed.
When I mess up, which is pretty much every day, here’s what I tell my kids,
“I am still learning about being your mom. I am still learning about how to take care of you. I don’t always make the right choices. Everyone makes mistakes, even grownups.”
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If you want to create a home that is filled with play and creativity, the key is to let your child know how much you value the time and effort they spent playing.