The evolution of digital engagement has transformed the landscape, leaving many of us grappling with guilt and uncertainty. Today, I want to share insights and strategies that will empower you to navigate screen time in a way that aligns with your family's values and lifestyle. The truth is, screens are an integral part of our lives. From educational tools to leisure activities, digital devices offer a ton of benefits. For me, the key lies in moderation and intentionality. The pandemic years have undeniably increased our reliance on screens, but this doesn't mean we've lost control. Instead, it's an opportunity to reassess and redefine our approach.

The goal is that scrolling a screen will not be your child's default behavior. The goal is for your child to use screen time for intentional enjoyment.

Your child can use screens and be a child who plays and works productively. You can have both. It takes consistency and intention and you can do it.

We do not want screens to replace your child’s inner drive to play, make or create their own world. For example, children can enjoy some screen time, but they still have the opportunity and the desire to play outside, interact with friends, and participate in other recreational activities.

Sometimes, circumstances will present when the goal needs to be different. Perhaps there’s a new baby or a parent has fallen ill. Maybe there’s no school, or they are staying with a grandparent. In those cases, the goal might be different than the overall long term goal and that’s okay.

Screen time in and of itself is not the problem.

The problem develops when screen time is used as a default instead of a tool.

Using screen time as a tool in parenting is not only possible, but beneficial.

Drop the guilt and make screens work for you and not against you!

How to make screen time intentional:

Make screen time predictable. Your child knows exactly when screens are available and when they are not a choice. If your child uses a visual calendar, schedule it!

Example: Screen time happens when I am making dinner each day. If you choose to, you can always watch then.
Example: Saturday and Sunday mornings are when screens are available. If you choose to, you can always watch then!
Example: You can always watch your shows when you have your milk in the mornings. You can count on that.

Set firm and clear limits on when screen time will end :

When your child protests, try understanding. “I know how hard this is for you. You wish you could watch screens all day. I get it! I wish I could too.”
Give a choice. When this show is over, it will be time to turn off the ipad and put it away. Do you want to be in charge of powering it down, or should I do it for you. Do you want to get the stool and put it away or should I lift you up high to put it in the cabinet.
It’s hard to stop watching this movie!! Let’s write down which movie you were watching and what time it stopped so that tomorrow during screen time, you can start watching from that spot if you choose too.
You wish I would let you watch and I am not going to. It is my job to keep your mind and body healthy and I always do my job.

What about when my child refuses? What about when they scream and cry?

Children learn to accept limits by testing limits. When you set a limit, this time with screens, it is your child’s job to test the limit to make sure it holds. When you child is carrying on, and this method does not produce immediate results, remember that your child and you are going through a process of putting a new routine in place.

Imagine this:

You are about to let your child float in a tube in the deep end of the pool. You blow up the tube and then you test it. You push it under water and make sure it floats to the top. You’ll look all around the seams to make sure they are sturdy. If you think you see a weak spot, you might poke at it to make sure it’ll hold your child as they float through the water. Children do the same thing with limits. They must make sure the limit will hold before they can completely let go and trust you.

Decide ahead of time which media is ‘on the menu’:

Program the media you feel good about and delete the other options from the device.
If you aren’t sure what media is appropriate for your child, check out commonsensemedia.org

As your child grows into a tween and teen, involve them in the conversation about screen time habits.

While it might sound counterintuitive, ask them how much screen time they think they need. Ask them what they feel is fair. Ask your teen or tween how you can support them instead of working against them. You are the grownup and you get to make the rules. But… a little compromise can go a long way.

Questions for Older Children:

What feels like a good amount of screen time for you?
When do you want your screen time to be?
What feels fair?
What do you wish you were allowed? Why?
Tell me about what it's like with your friends.
What are they using and when?
Do you think that would work for you? Why or why not?

Keep the conversation open and ongoing. It is not your job to keep your child happy, it is your job to keep them safe and healthy and that includes screen usage. It is okay if your child disagrees with you. Stay respectful, listen to their opinions, but make your own decisions that align with your goals for your family.