We all want our kids to notice the good in themselves. We all want them to see themselves as capable and impactful, right?

Try using the phrase, “YOU ARE A KID WHO ______.” to show your child that you recognize the important qualities in them and help them see themselves in that same light.

Let’s break this down…

Words of affirmation are one of the "Five Love Languages" described by Dr. Gary Chapman. They are verbal expressions of care and affection, and they can be a powerful tool in building relationships. In the context of parenting, words of affirmation are closely tied to positive reinforcement and self-image building

Using words of affirmation means explicitly stating and affirming the qualities you see in your child. By telling them, "You are a kid who really cares about helping others," you are not only praising a specific action but also affirming a deep and essential quality within them. This can make the affirmation more impactful and lasting in their minds.

This might also sound like:

You are a kid who knows a lot about airplanes! You watch them, read books about them, and talk about them all the time. It’s so interesting.
You are a kid who cares about cleaning up our earth. I saw you picking up trash that wasn’t yours along the beach, and I remember seeing you do the same thing at the park last week!
You are a kid who understands a lot about building. I noticed the way you restructured that tower when you thought it would fall.

Hearing positive words about oneself helps to build self-esteem. Children who are regularly affirmed by their parents or caregivers are more likely to develop a positive self-image. They come to see themselves as valuable, capable and understood.

This might sound like:

I noticed you making silly faces at the baby when they started to cry. That helped cheer them up. Thanks for that.
Your teacher mentioned that you gave your extra pencil to the child who didn’t have one. I bet they really appreciated that you helped out.
You got dressed all by yourself this morning. You are learning how to care for yourself.

The truth is, when children hear specific affirmations tied to their behavior, they are more likely to repeat those actions. The words of affirmation serve as a clear signal of what is appreciated and valued, guiding your child in future situations.

Words of affirmation feel good for both parent and child. By taking the time to notice and verbalize positive qualities, you are showing your child that you are paying attention to them. This recognition can foster a deeper connection and mutual respect.

Tips for Using Words of Affirmation

Be Genuine: Children often have an uncanny ability to detect insincerity, so make sure your words are heartfelt.
Be Consistent: Consistent affirmation helps reinforce the behavior and qualities you want to encourage.
Use Eye Contact: Engaging eye contact while affirming your child can make the moment more special and meaningful.
Write It Down: Sometimes, leaving a written note with words of affirmation can be a wonderful surprise that your child can keep and revisit.

Use this technique with babies through teens! It might feel silly to tell your baby what you notice about them, but try it! They’ll love your authentic connection and you’ll be getting into a great practice for when they are a little older.