Feeling Like a 'Bad Parent'? Here's Why You're Not - and One Simple Trick to Boost Your Kid's Independence

I am trying something new on here (video)! I can’t wait to hear from you if this is something you want more of and whether this helps you learn more about letting go of the parenting guilt and taking (doable) action.

A parent of a 5-year-old reached out to me to tell me that her son’s Kindergarten teacher reported that she needs to push more skills and independence at home. Her son wants everything done for him and she didn’t know where to start…

When I was a much younger mom, and my kids were in preschool and early elementary, I cared a lot about what my kids’ teachers thought of me. I am embarrassed to admit that, but it’s the truth. I wanted them to know I was doing everything I could at home to raise my kids well. I wanted to look like I had it all together. But the truth is, I didn’t! Of course, I didn’t. I think it’s kind of impossible to ‘have it all together’ when you are raising an entire human (or three). What does having it all together even mean anyway? 

When this mom reached out to me about her son, I could hear the desperation in her voice. She was doing the best she could.  The activities, the teeth brushing and bedtime routines, making sure he eats well and gets enough sleep.  Now he’s not independent enough?! She was overwhelmed and felt guilty. Really guilty. As a parent educator and a mom myself, it’s the guilt factor that gets me deep in my gut. Not feeling “enough” for your kid is one of the most awful feelings in the world. I hope today’s post helps you relieve some of that parental guilt while taking small action steps.

Here is my reply:

First, you raised a baby in a pandemic, so let’s acknowledge that, and remove any guilt you have associated with this. You raised a baby in a pandemic. That was enough. 

Let’s drop the guilt and start to teach some skills and independence through play.

Here’s how: 

Pick one skill you want him to work on and practice it when you are not in a rush.

For example, say the skill is zipping and unzipping his own jacket.

First, we want to ensure his hands are ready for zipping and unzipping. 

To support this kind of skill, we want to make his fingers stronger and more precise.  Due to heightened screen time, especially during lockdowns, young children need more support building fine motor skills. Swiping a screen as a tot didn’t build strength, but playing now will build strength.

You can do that by offering lots of playdough play, having them make a Cheerio necklace, encouraging them to draw and color, using kinetic sand, working on puzzles, and using peg boards. (I will include a list of helpful toys at the end of this post).

Next, for the specific skill of zipping and unzipping here’s what you are going to do: 

BEDTIME GAME HERE:

Start bedtime a little bit early, a few nights in a row. Then, let them stall at bedtime and “stay up a little later” to practice zipping. They can zip you while you zip them and then trade. Do it a few nights in a row. Make it playful and fun. Use zip-up pajamas, jackets, and any other zip-up clothing you have. Before you know it, they’ll have the skill down pat! 

The key is NOT practicing the skill when they are stressed about getting out the door. NOT practicing when they are exhausted from school, and NOT saying, C’mon you have to learn this! Your teacher said you have to!!!

Kids learn best when they are relaxed and feel some control over what’s happening. 

Remember this: Your child is NOT the only one who can use some support with fine motor and independence skills. You can always start right where you are, it’s never too late.

FINE MOTOR TOYS TO PUT ON YOUR LIST

(a few of my favorite toys for building hand strength and dexterity)

Peg Toy/ Geoboards / Sand Play Set/ Lacing Beads / Magnetic Mazes/ Posting Toy / Screwdriver Board Set / Magnetic Cubes

(these are affiliate links which means I get a tiny kickback from Amazon at no cost to you)

In case you skimmed this because you are busy, here are a few quick takeaways:

1. Your child might be lacking a few fine motor skills, but you can totally relax because it’s easily fixable.

2. You raised a child in a pandemic, loved them, and kept them safe. That was enough. No guilt about skills is necessary. YOU ARE AMAZING.

3. Choose ONE skill at a time. Don’t try to teach many things at once.

4. Use PLAY to work on skills.

5. Don’t teach from a place of fear or guilt.

6. YOU GOT THIS!!

x. Lizzie

CHECK OUT OUR EBOOKS!

THE PLAY PLAN

The Play Plan is an ebook containing play invitations that are easy to set up, inexpensive, and apply children of all ages. The 25 play prompts are divided into five categories and use  items that you most likely already have at home. These play prompts consider children of all ages, all developmental stages, and all learning capabilities. Each prompt can be tailored to fit your unique child’s needs. Play is meant to be simple.