DO YOU WANT TO RAISE SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN? TEACH THEM TO TAKE RISKS.

I’m that mom that allows her kids to climb the highest tree and scale the rock wall as far as they can comfortably go. I trust them to decide how far they can push themselves and whether or not they can safely get themselves back down to the ground.

Yes, this earns me the side eye sometimes.  But here’s the thing- taking healthy risks in childhood allows children the opportunity to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. They are learning their limits and seeing where they can push themselves.  We’ve been practicing this way of thinking since they were tiny tots. 

These were the rules and language that I used then and the ones I still use now- 

• If you can get up there yourself, you can get yourself back down. What if they need help? I’ll usually help them by telling the what to do, but I won’t put my hands on them to get them up or down, nor do I allow siblings or friends to lift them up or down when climbing.  It is so important for safety that they find their own solid footing. 

• I won’t lift you up onto anything, if you can’t manage to get there independently then you are not ready to be up there.   Like I said above, it is SO important for them to find their own footing for safety reasons.  But having them get up on their own is also a great way for even the youngest children to set goals and work towards them. Sure, it can be very frustrating for the youngest sibling to see all the others get up high when she cannot yet do it.  But that’s ok.  She’s building her frustration tolerance and setting goals for herself. Once she can do it on her own? I love to say things like, “Can you remember when that was too hard for you? Now you are stronger and bigger and you can get up there all by yourself.”

• Listen to yourself. Do you feel safe? Are you comfortable? I encourage my children to be risk takers but NOT to be RECKLESS. There’s a huge difference and we talk about it often.

I strongly believe that our children need to learn to evaluate risk by taking risks.  The best way to learn is by DOING. How do you feel when your child takes risks? Are you cringing and calling out how worried you are or are you offering constructive support? I know it’s not easy. It’s scary to let them fly. .

I hope you found this post helpful.  If you want to hear more from me, please be sure to subscribe to my blog and join the conversation over on Instagram.  

-Lizzie 

HOW TO DYE CHICKPEAS FOR A SENSORY BIN

It’s as simple as that!

-Lizzie

SIMPLE TIPS FOR RAISING READERS AND WRITERS

How can you support your child as a reader in a meaningful way?

I feel the same way about play as I do about learning to read. I believe that if you are respectful of your child’s need to play and explore at a developmentally appropriate level, you are already WAY ahead of the game when it comes to reading readiness.

First, know that reading and writing readiness is DEVELOPMENTAL. It is different for every child. Like many of you, I need to remind myself this very often. It is so hard not to compare your child to siblings and peers. I’m speaking from my own direct experience. I struggle with this almost daily. 

Here are some simple, easy to follow ways that you can support your child in his or her journey to becoming a confident reader and writer:

Having a print-rich environment is always a good idea.  Lots of books,magazines, signs, and opportunities to see print as meaningful.  I bet if you look around your home, you already have this.  See? Told you that you are already ahead of the game! 

Show your child that his or her words matter. This means writing down what they say, listening carefully when they are telling you a story, or when they want to sing you a song.    For little babies, this includes sounds and verbalizations.  

Sing! Lots of us sing to our little babies, but then we begin to feel silly as they get older.  Don’t stop singing! Make up funny songs, silly words, or even sing what you are about to do.  All of this word play is tremendously helpful in growing our children up to be confident learners.  

Show your child that his or her mark making, scribbling, invented spelling matters. Do this by turning your entire attention to their work. Listen and look. Do not put your own spin on it, just listen and nod encouragingly. Instead of asking what they drew, just notice details aloud and then see what THEY say about their work.  Listen carefully.  

Show your child that YOU read and write every day. Think out loud when you are writing. Model your thinking. Get in the habit of doing this (it feels super weird at first but is a real game changer with all kinds of learning with children). 

Write and draw what they say. When they are telling you a long story, made up or true, grab a pencil and let them watch you write it all down.  They can revisit it later.  Maybe they will even illustrate it.  Don’t make it hard though, or you’ll never do it.  Any old scrap of paper will do.  

Give your child access to books and open ended art materials. This can be as simple as crayons and blank paper. 

Label items that your children already know. When Nate was little, I made labels with letters or words on familiar items like the milk pitcher and his bed. He would “read” the words to these very meaningful objects and see himself as a competent and capable learner. (Hmmm, maybe I should do this for Sloane.)

Place value on time spent with books and stories.Spend time reading separately but together. Sometimes we all sit and read together, but silently, each in our own books. Yes, small children can do this. It takes practice and modeling.

Keep note pads and paper everywhere. Write and draw your child notes. Even when they are small. I like to leave a note under their pillow, or in the bathroom.  It’s okay if they cant read yet! It is a fun surprise to discover and you can read it to them. Show your children that print and marks are important and necessary. 

Most importantly, DO follow your child’s lead. If he’s not ready, he’s not ready. Don’t forget…Kindergarten now is what first and second grade was in years past.

Develop a love of learning in general and all will be well. Always encourage risk taking, question asking and mistake making.  

Of course, there are apps and reading programs that will teach your child to memorize words and letters from a very young age, but they lack relevance.  In order for your child to learn the love of reading and writing that will last a lifetime they need meaningful, rich  connections to the work they are doing. This happens over time. This happens with intention. This happens when we value our child’s individual development and life experience. 

Over the next few weeks, you might see me working with Sloane on her literacy journey. She is “there”. She is ready. I know this because I see her thinking constantly about sounds and letters. I see her making sense of text in context. She’s sounding out street signs, menu words, etc. She’s beginning to label her own pictures and she’s spending lots of time reading to her dolls and stuffed animals.

Sloane is six. Nate was developmetally ready when he was four.  Ruby was probably five and a half. Guess what?  It doesn’t matter. Look around at your friends. Do you know how old they were when they said their first works? When the took first steps or mastered the potty? Nope. Because it doesn’t matter in the long run. So try, as hard as I  know that it is, not to RUSH reading and writing.  Enjoy the journey. And when you child wants to read to YOU at bedtime? Grab a big glass of wine… it takes A LOT of patience and time ;)

I hope you found this post helpful.  If you want to hear more from me, please be sure to subscribe to my blog and join the conversation over on Instagram.  

-LIzzie 

HOW TO TRAVEL WITH KIDS AT AN ALL INCLUSIVE IN MEXICO

Last week we had the pleasure of taking a vacation with the kids to Playa Mujeres, Mexico.  Before we ever book a trip, my husband and I set some intentions. We decide if we want to do a trip or a vacation. A trip is where we know it will be a lot of work on our end, and that we will plan on sight seeing, adventuring, and WORKING. We go somewhere we’ve never been, eat the local food and push ourselves and our children to embrace a new landscape. OR, we decide that we want to freeze time for a second, relax, and just enjoy being together. That means we stay mostly in the resort, say yes to late bedtimes, lots of ice creams, and night swimming. We lose all sense of day and time and just BE with the kids and with each other.   This trip was most certainly a vacation.  Sloane just turned six and still has trouble keeping up with Nate and Ruby.  It would not be fun (for anyone) to drag her around a new city or time zone.  We wanted something simple, relaxing and fun for everyone.  

WHERE WE STAYED:

We chose Playa Mujeres because the flight was not long, it has good proximity to the airport and the weather is amazing.  We used a local travel agent, Vacations by Heather, and she helped us a find a resort that was in our budget.  We stayed at Dreams, Playa Mujeres.  The room was clean and spacious, the view was beautiful and food was good-enough.  I like staying at an all-inclusive with the kids because they can eat as little or as much as they like, whenever they want.   Takes the pressure off.  It also helps us to budget and stay on track, which means less stress for us.  

BE PREPARED:

I did a ton of front-end loading before we left.  I packed our favorite travel art supplies, snacks and toys in easily accessible pouches for the airplane, restaurants, and pool side.  When were in the airport and the kids got antsy? Boom.  Out came  Magnetic blocks.  When my girls needed some quiet time and I didn’t want to leave the pool? Out came my pouch filled with watercolor paper and Ooly travel watercolor kit.  Masterpieces were made and I didn’t need to turn away from my book and my cocktail.  

Also? We brought devices. The children were allowed to use them on the airplane, and for a little while each day while my oldest babysat in the room and my husband and I snuck downstairs for a quick kid free cocktail.

WHAT WE PACKED FOR THE AIRPLANE (click the image for the link):

WHAT THEY WORE (click image for links.):

If you liked this post, you might want to check these out as well:

HOW TO TRAVEL WITH YOUR KIDS AND ACTUALLY RELAX

HOW TO PREPARE YOUR KIDS WHEN YOU TRAVEL WITHOUT THEM

This blog post was not sponsored in any way, but does contain some affiliate links. Thank you for supporting The Workspace for Children. -Lizzie

SIMPLE ART- NOT CRAFT- ACTIVITY FOR CHILDREN

When you think of art with children, you probably think about a “craft”. With crafting, there are specific instructions, materials, and a desired outcome. There is a certain age range for a project and there is a beginning, middle and an end.

When I think about art for children, I think about the process. I think about materials that offer a range of experiences, and how children in different stages in their development will interact with the materials.

On most afternoons in our home, I set out a snack and a simple invitation to create. When the children arrive after school (often with friends in tow), I like to create an atmosphere where they can relax and unwind from a long day. Even if it is only for a few moments before we all rush off to the next thing, I want them to feel a moment of calm and connection . This simple activity takes only moments to set up, but provides hours of creating for a large age range of children. It is not messy and can be “grazed” on, as the children see fit. There are no directions. The children interact with the materials and create in any way they want.

SUGGESTED MATERIALS:

Tempra Cakes

Oil Pastels

Brushes

Roll Paper

HOW TO SET UP:

First roll out your butcher paper and cover the table. Tape it down for stability. Next, Find a large tray or book and trace rectangles onto the paper. Why? Sometimes a defined space is more welcoming for children to dive into than a large blank slate. It also just makes for a unique, open ended canvas for creating. Set out your paints and oil pastels and a jar of water and brushes. Keep a towel handy for any spills. Prime your paints by pouring water directly onto the tempra cakes. Allow your child to experiment with the materials. You do not need to give instructions or micro manage the work they are creating. In fact, claim a rectangle for yourself and get lost in the oil pastel. They are so satisfying to rub across the paper. Let your child discover the paint-resist on their own. You do not need to rush in and show them. They joy is in the discovery!

PRO TIPS:

• Teach your child to swish their brush five times around the paint cake in order to get a rich and vibrant swash of paint.

• Prime your paints by pouring water directly onto the cake prior to use

• Put on some chill background music to set the mood. We love John Mayer, Amos Lee, Elizabeth Mitchell, Jack Johnson, and Ray LaMontagne.

• Let your child work at his own pace. He might work for a few moments and wander away, then return again in a little while.

• Use materials you already own. You can adapt this activity multiple ways to fit your needs. This does not need to be complicated to be engaging.

---

Read more posts like this one below:

I hope you found this post helpful.  If you want to hear more from me, please be sure to join the conversation over on Instagram.  

-Lizzie 

TIPS FOR TAKING YOUR CHILD TO THE DENTIST

Are you avoiding taking your little one to the dentist? It can be a daunting experience when you and your child are unprepared. It can be a fun and healthy habit when you are prepared! Read on for tips on taking your kids to the dentist, and why we choose The Silverstrom Group in Livingston NJ.

---

TIP ONE: READ LOTS OF BOOKS ABOUT GOING TO THE DENTIST

Reading books is a great way to introduce new experiences to your child because it stimulates their curiosity about the subject, as well as offering them a chance to gain mastery over something new. There are so many good books about going to the dentist. Head over to your local library and check out a whole stack! (We especially love THIS Mister Roger’s book.)

TIP TWO: PLAY ‘DENTIST’ USING DOLLS

Set up a make-shift dentist office using your child’s toys. It doesn’t need to be perfect and you don’t need to buy anything. Do you have a dollhouse? Maybe some blocks, magnetic tiles, or even a shoebox? Use your imagination! Show your child what happens at the dentist by practicing on her baby dolls or stuffed animals. Walk them through the experience using toys or dolls. These can be ANY dolls- stuffed animals, robots, even dinosaurs. Use whatever your child loves. You will help them feel ownership over the situation by “walking” the doll into the “waiting room” and pretending to wait. ‘Notice’ (out loud) the things you might see at the dentist office.

Here are some examples of language you might use:

• Look! There is the receptionist behind the desk. Let’s go tell her your robot’s name and why she is here. Let’s help your robot introduce herself and write her name on the sign-in sheet.

• What can your dolly do while her mama is filling out those grown-up papers? Should we give her a toy to play with?

• Let’s take the dinosaur into the pretend office. Look at that chair and all those tools! I wonder what they might be for.

• How is your dolly feeling? Is she excited about the chair that moves up and down, or maybe she’s feeling unsure. How can we comfort her?

  Follow your child’s lead. Have the pretend dentist come in and count the doll’s teeth and pretend to brush them. You get the idea, right? It may feel a little silly, but your child will love it. This kind of play will help them process the new experience of going to the dentist.

TIP THREE: YOU PRETEND TO BE THE PATIENT

Have your child pretend to be the dentist and check your teeth. Let her count them and brush them while you lie on the couch. Then switch roles. Invite your child lie on the couch while you brush her teeth and count them. Then do the same thing with other household members or friends. Have fun with it, I bet your child will too!

---

We recently had all three children’s teeth cleaned at Dr. Gary Silverstrom’s office in Livingston, NJ.

The moment we walked in we were greeted by the cheerful staff, who assured me that I didn’t need to shush my children or keep them sitting still in the chairs (phew)! The kids were each given a swag-bag containing a stuffed animal and other goodies. As a mom of three, I often feel like a traveling circus when I enter a quiet office with my crew, but this office was ready for them.

After a few moments, we were escorted into the exam room, and guess what… Sloane’s favorite show was playing on the TV. She was floored. She literally couldn’t believe that going to the dentist meant cuddling with a new stuffy AND watching a show! Sloane is a generally slow-to-warm-up five-year-old, and I nearly melted in relief to see how comfortable she felt here. The hygienist was warm and friendly, and very tuned into each child’s personality. I was so impressed with the way the staff tempered their approach to the age and developmental stage of each of my three children.

They had Nate, my eleven year old, chatting about his favorite topics in no time. Ruby, who is nine, was feeling anxious about some yellowing on her front teeth that developed this summer. She was worried that she would be scolded for not brushing well. The exact opposite happened. The staff explained to her how that kind of marking develops and assured her it was through no fault of her own. Then they proceeded to polish it right off! Ruby was thrilled.

Dr. Gary Silverstrom and staff were so wonderful to work with, my kids are actually looking forward to their next dentist appointments! If you are local to NJ, I highly recommend you check them out for your entire family’s dentistry needs.

---

*This post was sponsored by The Silverstrom Group. All thought and opinions are my own. If you decide to check out The Silverstrom Group, mention The Workspace for Children and receive $100 new-patient courtesy.

PREPARING YOUR KIDS WHEN YOU TRAVEL WITHOUT THEM

Image sourced from Pinterest

My husband and I recently had the opportunity to take a quick trip down to Mexico without the kids.  It was blissful.  My mom and my in-laws teamed up to conquer our crew and make sure everything ran smoothly in our absence.  My kids are five, eight and ten, so leaving them in someone else's care is WAY easier than it was just a few years ago.  But, as I packed them up, I remembered all of the tips and tricks I used when they were tots, and I am going to share them with you here.  

TIP ONE:  Create a simple picture calendar (see photo).  Show your child exactly when you will leave, and when you will return.  Even very small children can benefit from the comfort of knowing "what will happen next".  A calendar of your whereabouts gives them that peace of mind.  

TIP TWO: Leave a note to your child for each day that you are gone. I like to seal them each in individual envelopes to make it more fun.  The note doesn't need to to be extravagant.  Just a line or two telling them that you love them and that you are thinking of them.  You can ask your caregiver to read them a new note at bedtime each night. 

Image sourced from Google

TIP THREE: Make a date to FaceTime or Skype (Put it on the calendar).  This is especially helpful if you are going to be in a different time zone.  Keep your phone call short, just a few minutes is ideal.  Just enough to see your littles and let them see you.  Exchange a few, "I love you's," and one or two exciting things.  You know you child best, so if you think that they can't handle seeing you, skip this tip! If you think you will have the time, pack a quick bedtime story in your suitcase. You can read them their favorite book over FaceTime! 

Traveling away from your children can be anxiety producing, and not without hiccups.  But  if you have the opportuity, get out of your comfort zone, and do it!! You will not regret it.  

HOMEMADE FACE AND BODY PAINT

Do you want a simple, easy way to WOW your kids? This face painting activity is so much fun for an outdoor playdate or even a birthday party.  It is so simple to throw together with a few supermarket ingredients that you probably already have on hand.  

We used cornstarch, lotion, and diaper cream (zinc oxide).  Mix it up until you get a thick, smooth consistency and add your food coloring! We used gel colors, but any coloring will do.

 I loved that the white paste gave a beautiful pastel hue to the paint.  I put our body paint in small containers with q-tips for application.  Have some baby wipes nearby to wipe little hands.  Put out acrylic mirrors (ours are from IKEA)  and you are good to go for an afternoon of fun! 

Have you tried this activity before? Do you plan to? Head over to Instagram and let me know if you have any questions or comments about this homemade body paint.

-Lizzie 

MESSY PLAY/ CLEAN HOUSE? YES! HERE'S HOW...

This post is written in partnership with LorenaCanals Rugs.  All ideas, thoughts, and opinions are my own.

---

Guys, you might not believe this about me, but I am a bit of a neat freak.  Clutter seriously throws me for a loop and when my house is a mess, my life is a mess.  I really wish I could be one of those moms who can let go of toys strewn about, play dough ground into the rug, laundry piling up.  I actually envy these people. But, I am not one of them.... I feel stressed all day if I leave a messy kitchen behind and carry on with my day.  BUT, I also love messy play.  I love when my children paint and use clay.  Sand and glitter do not freak me out and I even encourage my kids to gather buckets of mud and play in them.  Over the years I have developed a few hacks to successfully combine my passion for messy play and my love of a tidy house.  

1.  I married a fellow neat freak//  My husband can clean a kitchen something fierce.  He's never met a load of laundry, a pile of dishes or a bucket of sloppy paint jars he couldn't tackle. He's. The. Best.  He doesn't exactly embrace the messy side of things, but he is damn good at dealing with it.

2. Drop Cloth//  They are everything.  A large drop cloth on the floor or over the table frees me from worrying about paint spills or permanent markers.  I have three industrial size drop cloths in rotation at all times.  Ruby especially loves to look at the spills, stains, and marks we've accumulated over the years.  Each mark on the drop cloth serves as a treasured memory of projects past.  

3.  Bins//  When we are using a sensory bin inside (rice, shaving cream, oobleck) I put a smaller bin of the material inside a much larger bin.  This way when the rice inevitably spills over the side of the first bin, it falls right into the second bin.  Make sense?  No need to sweep, just dump the spill from one bin back into the other.  

4. Washable Rug// What? Yes. A machine-washable, natural rug that looks and feels amazing.  We have one in our playroom so that when the kids make playdough food for their animals or draw and color signs for the block buildings, I am cool as a cucumber.  No worries from this Mama.  "Sure guys, juice boxes and snacks are allowed in this playroom!" When they inevitably spill juice or get marker on my rug, I can toss it in the washing machine.  Amazing.  You can find this one HERE.  

---

What's your mess-comfort level? Are you an anything goes kind of mom or do prefer to keep things tidy? 

-Lizzie 

OUR TOP FIVE BEDTIME STRUGGLES SOLVED

As the kids get older, bedtime gets easier.  No, it doesn't exactly get easy, but it does get easier.  Here's a little picture of the bedtime trials and tribulations with our newly-minted five-year-old.  I've broken it all down into complaint/ solution...  I hope some of our simple solutions work for you! 

(This post is written in partnership with Dock A Tot.  All opinions and ideas are my own. ) 

Complaint number one: It’s too dark!!  Solution: Dave installed a dimmer on the light switch and now she can sleep with her lights on the dim setting all night long. 

 Complaint: I won’t know when it is morning!  (So I will find it necessary to get up a thousand times to ask you if it is morning yet).

Solution: Hatch Baby Rest (night light, sound machine, ok-to wake, all in one device).  We use this both as a sound machine and an ok-to-wake light.  I particulary love this device for two reasons.   The first is that it is controllable via Bluetooth through my phone.  I can turn the sound up if the big kids are being noisy and I can easily change the wake-up time right from my phone! Yay! (You can find one HERE). 

Complaint: I’m thirsty!

Solution:  Cup of water next to the bed.  I only put a few inches of water in so that if it spills, it’s not a big deal.  If you are concerned about spillage, you could try this still-proof cup.  

Complaint: What If I wake up before the green light (ok to wake signal) and I want to play? She literally asks this question every. single. night.  

Solution: Sloane sleeps with her two favorite Angel Dear loveys every night.  They serve as both a toy and a security blanket.  She’s had her pink owl since she was a new-born baby.  I love these security blanket/ lovey dolls and they are always my go-to baby gift for new moms.  (You can find them HERE. )

Complaint: My pillow fell out of bed and I’m scared to get it! What if I fall out? 

Solution:  Dock A Tot Grand.  When we moved Sloane to a bed around two years old, we opted not to use a bed rail.  In my opinion, bed rail make cuddling tricky and tidying the bed is near-impossible!! So, right from the begining, I would just set her pillows in a U-shaped formation and tuck in her in tight.  It pretty much worked- I think she only fell out of bed maybe once?  Until recently… In the past six moths or so, Sloane has been knocking her pillows out of her bed.  For some reason, she is terrified of reaching down and getting them herself.  This has led to many middle of the night crying jags, followed by me dragging myself into her room to arrange her pillows- not exactly what I want to be doing at four in the morning.  After quite a few interrupted nights, I decided to check out the Dock A Tot.  This cozy contraption is everything.  Sloane loves it, she cuddles right in, blankets go up and over and nothing/ no one falls out of bed in the night and everyone stays asleep. She even brings it downstairs for movie night or into her sister’s room for a sleep-over.  The only problem? I want one in my size.  This thing is legit-comfortable. Now, if they could only find a way to solve the whole, "I don't want to sleep by myself" conundrum...  Any ideas??

SPREADING LOVE AND KINDNESS IN HONOR OF VALENTINE'S DAY

We are kicking off Valentine's Day (month) with a fantastic giveaway and three simple ways to spread love and kindness within your own community this month. I've teamed up with Primary, Ooly, and Smarties Candy to bring you easy, fun activities to do as a family this month.  Make sure to head over to my Instagram Feed  to for a chance to win a mega-prize from these three brnads!

---

SURPRISE SOMEONE WITH A HOMEMADE CARD

The children and I used  markers, stickers and paint sticks from @weareooly to make simple valentine cards for people in our community.  Here's how we did it...

I invited the children to think of a person in our community (school, neighborhood, town) that could use a little kindness this month.  We had a meaningful discussion about who might need a little extra kindness and why. I was so happy to hear my older two children (8 and 10) talk to one another about people in their schools who are so helpful, but rarely get thanked or recognized. They talked for a while about who they would each choose.  Nate decided on his school art teacher and the P.E. teacher.  Ruby decided to make a card for everyone on our street because she thinks everyone contributes to all the fun we have playing outside together.  My little one (4) didn’t really grasp the concept, but she delighted in making Valentine cards for her friends! When the cards were complete, Ruby loved sneaking her cards into mailboxes up and down our street. 

---

VALENTINE COOKIES FOR NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS

Later in the week, we made Valentine Cookies.  In an effort to keep things very simple, I purchased premade cookie dough (no shame in my baking game) and baked some heart shaped cookies while the kids were at school.  I colored some white, store-bought frosting with food coloring and  set out some little Valentine candies.  This activity was about gathering to make something for friends and neighbors, and I didn't want to burn myself out by making cookies from scratch, or by baking with the kids.  I like to remake everything and have it ready to go because simple activities make for a more relaxed experience.  The children arrived home from school to find the table set with frosting cookies and candies.  They were ecstatic!  They chomped on cookies, decorated some, and chatted about their day.  

When our cookies were ready to go, we popped them on some festive trays , bundled up, and the children rang doorbells and passed out cookies to brighten the day of our neighbors.  It was REALLY fun! It was also REALLY easy.  

---

RANDOM ACTS OF SWEETNESS

Next up? We left messages of kindness and LOVE in the form of candy... Smarties Candy!! The lovely folks over at Smarties gave us tons of beautiful Valentine candy to leave on doorsteps, in mailboxes and on windshields all over town.  The kids had an awesome time munching on Smarties and writing little messages.  The best part? Sneaking around leaving treats.  As they fell asleep last night, they were all giggles as they thought about how people felt when they discovered candies on their windshields.  

---

There you have it, three easy ways to celebrate Valentine's Day while spending time together and brightening the days of those in your community.  How will your family celebrate this year? 

This post was sponsored by Primary, Ooly and Smarties.  All thoughts and opinions are my own.  

Thank you for following along. Don't forget to hop over to Instagram to win some great goodies!! 

-Lizzie 

THAT TIME I SENT MY CHILDREN TO THE STORE....ALONE!

I sent my kids to the grocery store with an empty wagon, $35, and a list…here’s what happened.

It was a Sunday afternoon and my youngest child was out with my husband.  I was cleaning the house and getting ready for the week ahead.  My big kids (seven and ten) were underfoot and creating clutter everywhere! (Did I mention I was attempting to clean?)  I was getting ready to meal prep and I was missing a few things. So…. I sent the kids to the store. We live about a half-mile from our town center, which happens to be a quaint little village.  My kids are comfortable out and about without me and I’m at ease with it as well. 

This little trip would shoo them out of my hair, and get me the groceries I needed.  Win-win. I gave them $35, which was more than what they would need, a list, and our wagon.  They were instructed to walk straight to the market and then back home. No stops along the way. 

I trust them to follow my instructions because they’ve practiced for years.  We started when they were very little.  I would allow them to drop something at the next-door neighbor’s house all by themselves when they were three years old.  I would watch through the window as their self-confidence EXPLODED.  As they matured, I provided them with the opportunities to go a little farther.  In the grocery store, I would let them go to another aisle, get one thing and come straight back.  They practiced ordering from the deli counter at a very young age.  They know how to order food in a restaurant and how to ask for directions to the restrooms.  When they were little, and even sometimes now, I watched and stayed nearby to keep them safe. They all learned our phone number and last name just as soon as they could talk.  (I taught them by making up a little song to help them memorize it).  

So, on that Sunday, Nate and Ruby went to the store, filled the wagon with what they needed and returned home. They were happy, I was happy.  Off they went to play. 

Later that evening, I asked them how it went, and what challenges, if any, they ran into.  They looked at each other and giggled.   Then they explained the two main issues they ran into. 

The first problem was that the wagon wouldn’t fit through the narrow doors of the supermarket.  They didn’t know where to park it because they were worried it would get taken or that it might roll away.  They weren’t sure they’d be able to carry the groceries home if they didn’t have the wagon.  After some discussion, they decided on a spot they thought would work and it did. 

The second issue they encountered was when the store was out of our usual brand of whole milk.  They couldn’t decide if they should skip it altogether or buy another kind.  In the end, they decided to purchase another brand.

Neither of these situations are particularly problematic.  Nothing bad would have happened if they had made an alternative decision. The important thing is that they had the opportunity to problem solve in the real world when the stakes were low. 

I’m going to say that again because I think it is so important.  They had the opportunity to problem solve in the real world when the stakes were low.  Why is this so important? I fear that many of our children are not learning how to navigate situations without us or without relying on technology to solve the problem for them.  Giving children the opportunity to practice important life skills when they are young is crucial to how they will handle real life when they are older and the stakes are much, much higher. 

And no, my kids did not have a cell phone to bring on their journey.  If they had one with them, what do you think they would’ve done when they ran into problem number one? They would’ve called me and asked me to solve the problem for them. 

As parents, it is so tempting to keep our children cocooned up as long as we can.  We are hardwired to want to catch them before they fall.  But what if we thought of keeping them safe in another light? What if we thought about letting them fall down while we are still here to help them get up? I want my kids to learn how to fail.  They must know how to face a small problem before they can attempt a big one.  They need to get lost so they can practice finding their way home.  They need to develop confidence in their ability to help themselves.  I am teaching them to trust their own instincts and abilities by giving them the opportunity to practice.

Do you allow your children some independence? I know it is not your typical sighting to see a seven and ten-year-old shopping alone at the grocery store...

Please let me know your thoughts on this topic in the comments below.  Thank you for reading and for following along on my parenting journey. 

Has Your Child Stopped Napping? Quiet Time Solved.

Do your young children have down time? I mean REAL down time. Time to be bored, time to make up aimless games and stories?  Do they have the opportunity to spend time alone? Truly alone, not alone with an iPad.  Do they have quiet time carved out for them as part of the day? Mine do. And yours can too. You and your children deserve some down time.  I am going to help you get it.  

Why My Family Needs Consistent Quiet time:

I rely on this quiet, independent playtime everyday because I need it. I crave it.  So do my kids.  Without a little while each day to just sit still, I go all crazy and moody.  And if I go crazy, my whole house turns into a zoo. A wild, untamed, unhappy zoo.

It's no secret that I am not good at the constant go-go-go.  It stresses me out and I become an impatient yeller.  (My neighbors can vouch for this. They see me yelling and hustling children in and out the my car.  ALL. THE. TIME.) For our family, the antidote to the crazy is taking a few moments of quiet time.  Chilling out.  Yes, you can teach your kids the art of chilling out.  It  takes commitment, consistency, and a little bit of creativity. 

We all need a break.  I’m going to tell you how we carve out a break almost every day. I really believe all children can learn to have quiet time.  I have heard many people talk about how their first-borns are too needy, or their boys too active.  They worry that without a screen in front of them, or an adult to play with, their children cannot chill. They can. I promise. It will take some work on your end, but it's worth it.

My Family's Quiet Time Rules:

1.    You are alone (not with your sister or brother, and DEFINITELY not with me.)

2.    You are playing, reading, creating, or sleeping.

3.    Your time is self-directed.

Of course, those guidelines look very different for a four year old, seven year old and ten year old. 

Four Year Old Quiet Time:

For Sloane, quiet time is often brief.  About 35 to 40 minutes. It is usually spent in her room or in our little playroom/den.  Lately, her activity of choice is playing babies, dollhouse, or blocks. 

Seven Year Old Quiet Time: 

Ruby loves art.  So, quiet time for her is drawing, sewing, beading- any kind of making.  Making is her gift.  Quiet time-making happens in her room, therefore, it needs to be non-messy making.  Her quiet time can last anywhere from twenty-five minutes to an hour.  She gets lonely.  Her personality demands she be part of a crowd. It's who she is. An hour of ‘alone’ is more than enough for her.  

Ten Year Old Quiet Time:

Nate is airplane-obsessed.  So, his quiet time almost always involves drawing and tracing airplanes.  He wants to use the light table for tracing. The Light table is kept in our kitchen and his quiet time is set in his room, so the clever little guy set himself up a tracing station in his room.  He tapes his work up to the sunny window and the light comes through. Perfect for his tracing habit. He also enjoys time with legos and magnatiles.  His quiet time can run well over an hour when he has the luxury of time. 

Nature vs Nurture:  

Like I said earlier, I believe all children can enjoy some quiet time.  I believe that all children NEED downtime, especially in our chaotic world.   I know that it does not come easily to everyone.  My oldest child is dreamy by nature.  He beats to his own drum and has always been able to occupy himself.   Even as a young toddler, he was happy with his cars and trucks and blocks for long periods of time. My middle child is not this way at all.  When she gave up her nap (before two years old!), I nearly lost my mind.  She always wanted a playmate, was into everything and I could not deal.  Her nap time was during her brother’s quiet time and my time to chill for a minute.  There was no way I could give up those few moments of peace.  So, I taught her how to be independent.  

Know That Quiet Time can be a Learned Skill....Believe it. 

Here's how we did it.... First, I made sure I really filled her up before quiet time.  Ruby had lunch and her milk.  More importantly, we read and played together.  I gave her a period of undivided attention and labeled that time.  We set the timer for 15 minutes and played together.  No interuptions from the phone, her brother, the doorbell, etc.   Barring an emergency, there was NO distraction.  I promised her that.  It was our “play together” time. 

After that was her “quiet time”.  Again, we set the timer.  The first day for 5 minutes, the next day 10 minutes and so on.  The timer defined our time.  Not me.  This is important.  I would say, “The timer will tell you when our time is over.”

In the early days,  I would set out some simple invitations to play.  A small blanket with a pretty bowl full of gems and a mirror for arranging them.  Or a mat with a dollhouse and a few people and animals.  A child-sized table with paper and colored pencils and stickers.  You get the idea.  If not, get on Instagram and plug in the hashtag #invitationtoplay.  It’ll fuel you. 

Invitations should be open-ended.  Your child should be able to take the material wherever his or her mind goes. 

To me, quiet time is a form of meditation.  Meditation is an ongoing practice.  Quiet time over here is always evolving, changing forms and continues to be ongoing.  Sometimes we hit a rut and need to shake things up a bit.  Sometimes, we have a few days where it just isn’t possible.  On those days, I know I can expect more whining, fighting and general crankiness (from me and the kids). 

When we’ve hit a rut, I might mix things up by rotating toys, putting materials in an unexpected location, or setting up a more involved invitation to play.  If it’s nice weather, one of the kids will have their quiet time outside on the deck in our tinker space.  My oldest might choose the basement where his piano and his work bench live.  It all depends on the day.  I’ve learned to expect the unexpected and I try to be as flexible as I can. 

What if my Child Keeps Coming out of his Room?

Keep walking them back.  Just like the experts say when your child keeps coming down at bedtime.  When Ruby was small, she wouldl test me by coming out of her room multiple times.  Each time I would neutrally walk her back, reminding her that the timer didn't say it was time to come out yet.  It was a bit trying at times, but TOTALLY WORTH IT. She learned the skill of quiettime through repetition and mastery.  She learned to love quiettime when the routine was set, and it wasn't even a question anymore.  At that point, she figured out how much fun she could have all on her own.  

One of the most important things I want to pass to my kids is the gift of being bored.   I want them to be alone with their thoughts, to sit with themselves and contemplate.  Insisting on quiet time  is the gift I give to my family and to myself.

There are tons of great articles on the benefits of quiet, independent play.  I linked some here and here.  You can also look on Instagram or Pinterest for inspirational invitations to play.  However, keep it as simple as you can.  You absolutely do not need to go out and buy anything new, nor do you need to spend more than 5 minutes setting it up. 

Lastly, remember this.  It doesn’t matter how old your child is when you start having quiet time.  Just start where you are.  Expect it to be difficult at first.  You can even introduce it by being honest…. “I want to teach you a new skill.  It’s called independent play.  This is how we will learn it…”  When we take the time to explain what is happening, the response is often great. 

I would love to hear from you in the comments.  Do you have a quiet time in your home? How do you make it happen? Did you find any of these tips helpful? Can you share some new ideas and tips to start the habit of quiet time? 

Thank you for reading and following along.  

-Lizzie