When Your Child Doesn't Want To Go To School
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Did your child have a hard time going to school this morning?
You might be thinking:
Shouldn’t my child be adjusted by now?
Is something wrong? Why don’t they want to go to school?
They always seem so happy when they are there…
I do this mind-spiral too. But then, I remind myself that wanting to stay home is normal. I want to stay home and I’m 44!! Home is safe and easy. School is tricky! There are tons of rules, and expectations from friends and teachers, and the school can be noisy and overstimulating at times.
If your child has a hard time in the morning, it usually does not mean something is wrong at school.
Normalize how they are feeling and set the limit. “It’s so hard this morning. You wish you could stay home and you have to go to school.”
Try saying, “It is okay to cry while we get ready. You still have to go, but you don’t have to like it.”
Instead of saying:
"You love school! You'll play with all your friends."
"Be a big boy. Stop crying and get dressed."
Trying rephrasing:
"You wish you could stay home today, I hear you."
"It can be hard to go back after a weekend at home together. Lot's of kids feel that way."
My child is crying and refusing to get dressed. What do I do?
The goal here is to support them in getting to school. Validate their feelings AND set the limit that they are going to school today. Trying saying things like:
“You wish you could stay home today and instead, you have to go to school. It's hard for you to get dressed right now. Do you want me to help you?”
“Today is a school day. It is okay to cry and wish you could stay home. You are going to school. I will help you get ready. I am not going to change my mind.”Keep your eye on the goal of getting to school. Make getting ready easy on the hard days. Instead of having your child get themselves dressed and shoes on, offer to help. Offer to lighten their load. A little goes a long way.
Finally, be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge your own feelings of guilt or anxiety when your child doesn’t want to go to school. Remind yourself that all parents go through this. You aren’t doing anything wrong and neither is your child.
Other ways to support your child with the home-to-school transition:
Send an email to the teacher. Let her know that your child had a hard morning.
Talk to your child the night before school and make a plan. "This morning it was so hard to go to school. You cried and you didn't want to get dressed. How did you start to feel better? Let's make a plan for tomorrow morning."
Practice. Sounds silly, but have your child pretend to have a school tantrum. Have them pretend to carry on and you respond. This pre-teaching will help for next time.
If you are looking for more support in the home-to-school transition, and you have a child who is in preschool through first grade, check out my READY SET SCHOOL RESOURCE below. It is packed with actionable tools and strategies for easing the home-to-school transition.
10 strategies to make drop-off easier
Phrases to avoid and what to say instead
How to comfort your child when you aren't with them.
How to learn more about your child's day at school
How to keep the afternoons peaceful when your child is exhausted from school
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If you want to create a home that is filled with play and creativity, the key is to let your child know how much you value the time and effort they spent playing.