THREE TIPS TO BUILD YOUR CHILD'S FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE
BUILD YOUR CHILD’S FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE
Guess what happened a second after I snapped this image?
Yup, her building crashed.... I’m thrilled to report that she actually laughed and then rebuilt it.
Didn’t miss a beat. On any given day, at any given moment, her reaction would certainly vary. But there’s one thing I know for sure.
Repeated opportunities to play with open ended materials give children a chance to practice coping with frustration. Sometimes buildings fall and they don’t come out they way they were expected to, and that’s..... GREAT!
It teaches our children to flex. We would all love to raise flexible thinkers and creative problem solvers. Who wouldn’t? So the next time you hear a big crash from the playroom and a loud wail of frustration out of your child’s mouth, remember, YOU are raising the future problem solvers of the world!!
READ MORE TO FIND OUT HOW TO BUILD FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE AND SUPPORT YOUR CHILD WHEN THAT BUILDING CRASHES AND THE TEARS START TO FLOW.
THREE TIPS TO HELP YOUR CHILD MANAGE FRUSTRATION
ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT HAPPENED:
Acknowledge her feelings of anger, sadness, and frustration. Often, our instinct is to say, Oh, honey, it’s not a big deal! or to distract from how they are feeling. I get it, seeing our children in pain is PAINFUL! Regardless of how bad it feels, resist the urge to pretend that it’s not a big deal. It is a big deal to your child, and should be treated that way.
You know that feeling when you spend an hour carefully folding laundry and the basket falls off the couch, crumpling all those clothes in a heap on the floor? It sucks and would feel even worse if your well meaning partner tried to blow it off by telling you that it’s not a big deal and that there is not reason to be upset.
EMPATHIZE WITH YOUR CHILD:
What CAN you do?
Try this: Bend down on your child’s eye level and look at their face. Mirror your face to match theirs.
Is he crying? “Oh man, you are really sad. You were working so hard on that castle and it all came crashing down.” Now wait. Be still and quiet. Sit with them in their grief.
Is she kicking and yelling? Being destructive? Bend down and offer your lap or arms to help contain your child and her very big feelings. “You look so angry. You are kicking and screaming and throwing your toys. You really did not want that building to fall. I can see how upset you are.” Now wait. Sit with them in their anger.
COLLABORATE ON WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT:
A few different things might happen here. You know your child best so take their temperament, development, mood into consideration.
First, think about this: Is your child tired or hungry? If yes, take care of that immediately. No one can problem solve when they are cranky, especially not a small child. It is okay to walk away from the situation and come back at it later on.
Allow your child to decide if they want to try again, or if they want to choose something else to do. I know that sounds obvious, but voicing that choice out loud can be powerful. Children have so little choice in their lives. Pointing out the choices that they do have is empowering and gives them back some control.