Effective Communication: 4 Things to Say When Your Child Doesn't Get Their Way
What if you waited for hours on the computer for Taylor Swift tickets that you didn't get, and your bestie said, "Aw, cheer up buddy! It's not that big of a deal..."
What if you didn't get that promotion you were counting on and your partner told you to stop whining and move on?
You'd probably feel worse, not better... right? Same with your kids.
We all want to feel seen and understood, and kids are no different.
When your child gets the blue balloon instead of the pink one, you probably feel a pull to say, “No big deal!” or “It’s just a balloon. Don’t cry!”
But two things happen when we do this. Either your child shuts it down and thinks, “I am not supposed to show how I really feel.” OR They double down on the tantrum because they think you just really don’t understand how important that balloon was to them!
Try these phrases instead:
You really wanted that.
That was disappointing.
This feels hard.
That was important to you.
Does that mean you need to give them the blue balloon? Nope!
The goal is not to fix their problem. Instead, show them that you understand how hard it can be when you don’t get what you want.
You don’t have to get this right every time. It’s okay if you’ve said the other phrases. I know I have and probably will again! Rather than memorizing scripts, just aim for meeting your child where they are in the moment and connecting. You’ll find that will help you move through the day more smoothly.
You know what else helps? Books! See below for a list of our favorite picture books to help your kids feel seen and understood.
The Rabbit Listened / Waiting / Sometimes You Get What You Want / Hum and Swish / The Invisible String / Harriet, You’ll Drive Me Wild! / On Monday When it Rained